Isaiah 60:2, “For, behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people....”
Our text may seem strange to be used in connection with the subject we are dealing with here. But let’s not forget the darkness referred to would include all things affecting mankind, both spiritual and physical. This, of course, would also include sex which God created for the good of mankind.
Immediately someone will say, “You are wrong, sex is no myth, it’s real.” When we refer to sex as a myth we are not talking about sex in its true light or proper perspective, but sex as is seen and understood by many people. In fact, I would say the vast majority of society today mistakenly believes many myths or illusions about sex that do not exist.
God created sex as a means of bringing man and woman together in a physical and spiritual union, symbolic of Christ and his union to the church which is his body.
In creation God meant for sex to serve a purpose, beneficial for mankind. He likewise made it to be a pleasure and delight to be mutually shared by both sexes. This is especially true when the two people know the Lord and are free of the many mental hang-ups that hinder sexual union.
Because of the joy and thrill of sex, it has played a vital and most important role in the history of man. Without it there would be no history of man and nothing to bring man and woman together in such an intimate relationship.
Because of the importance of sex, Satan has distorted its true purpose and meaning by many illusions or myths that do not exist. Like everything else that God has created for good, Satan has used sex to serve his own evil cause. To do this he has blinded the minds of men through many myths that can only be dispelled by truth. When Jesus said, “...Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free,” (John 8:32) he had reference to sexual myths as well as all others.
Very few would deny the importance of sex in the lives of most human beings. As we have said elsewhere, the sex drive is a fact of life, a reality that we cannot ignore. We further admit that it is indeed the greatest factor that draws men and women together. Because of the power and influence of sex it has, from ancient times, literally been worshipped and has become an idol to man. The Latin goddess Venus was absorbed by the Greek Aphrodite and became known as the goddess of love.
Because of this, sex has been exploited, overemphasized and magnified all out of proportion to reality. This mania and myth about sex has greatly affected many areas of human life and conduct.
Although today’s society is perhaps far more learned and sophisticated than any before it, we see evidence of this worship of sex on every hand. The human body, especially the woman’s, is a symbol for sex. Clothing manufacturers design their clothes to make the person look sexier. Most entertainment, including the movies, stage, popular songs and even athletic contests, exploit sex in some manner. The night clubs and taverns have their topless dancers and go-go girls. Baser forms of sexually oriented entertainment are pornographic literature and X-rated movies which are available in most cities. Even toothpaste is advertised on the basis of sex appeal.
This might not be so bad if it didn’t result in the eclipse of the total human personality and proper relationship of man and woman to each other. It has resulted in both sexes trying to walk, talk, dress, smell and act sexy. This is especially true of the woman who is more of a sex symbol than the man.
The thing we need to understand is that God himself has differentiated between the sexes in making man and woman different in their creation. The femininity of the woman in contrast to the masculinity of the man is obvious in her physical appearance, voice and bodily movements. To enhance this, the Lord has decreed a difference in dress, length of hair and divine position with respect to each other.
This normal, God ordained difference in creation plus a modesty in the decreed difference in dress, hair and divine order is sufficient to attract the opposite sex. I personally believe this rule of chaste moderation is, in the ultimate sense, more attractive than the gaudy, flesh revealing overemphasis of sex through other means. God intends for some things to be left to our imagination and the bedroom.
The idea that outward appearance of being sexy really turns the opposite sex on is a myth so far as many people are concerned. To those who respect and appreciate modesty, it is gaudy, cheap and vain. The true beauty and attraction of sex loses its God given appeal when cheapened in such manner.
Above all things, we need to realize that sex isn’t everything. This exploitation and glorification of sex is the cause of many myths and especially a blindness toward other important factors that has resulted in tragic results.
The outward appearance of being sexy and true sexuality are often far apart. There is as much difference in looking sexy and true sexuality as there is in playing doctor and being a doctor. Some of the glamour girls and boys that appear so sexually exciting might indeed be a colossal failure in reality. If the truth were known, some of Hollywood’s so-called sex pots and male examples of virility have been anything but sexual. On the other hand, many who are not so physically attractive are often more sexually passionate than more physically beautiful types of humanity.
This false impression of sexuality has resulted in the same sexual standard for everyone regardless of what they really are. Sooner or later many discover to their sorrow, that their illusion of sex being the answer is a myth. Indeed sex isn’t the answer to everything.
Whether we recognize it or not, men’s and women’s capacity for sex, like everything else, varies. The fact that their sexual appetite isn’t as great as others doesn’t mean they are less virile or sexual. Nor does it necessarily mean there is something wrong with them. No doubt, Paul had this in mind when he said, “For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.” I Cor. 7:7.
Paul knew that men and women were made different in their creation, physically, mentally and sexually. No doubt he also understood the influence of environment in molding them into unique and specific personalities. Understanding this, he knew that you cannot impose the same sexual standard upon everyone. Because of this and many other factors, people need to be very careful and deliberate in their choice of a mate.
As a result of prayerful and studied consideration, it is my opinion that the various factors or intangible qualities that contribute to the whole personality of a man or woman determine their sexuality.
Since the mind or brain regulates or controls the various functions of the human body, it is a giant step toward sexual harmony when we operate on the same wave length in our thought life. This is not saying that a man and woman have to be exactly the same in temperament and personality, because no two people are exactly alike. We can still be compatible and vary in our weaknesses and strengths as well as other things. There are always adjustments that have to be made.
Compatibility is the result of common interests and the ability to understand and communicate with each other. It is through this means that two people are able to make up the lack in each other’s life and thus become one flesh. Every person is so constituted by creation and environmental influence that he needs a specific type person to complement his or her life. Being a Christian and believing that God has left nothing to chance. It is my conviction that God will lead us to that specific person if we will wait on him.
Man and woman are made to love and be loved. Since love is not just some mystical force or feeling there must be a means of expressing this love toward each other. Each must feel needed and thus make a contribution to each other’s life. This is the way love is expressed and our need for each other is met.
Sex and physical attraction alone is no substitute and cannot possibly make up for the lack in this area of our lives. It has been proven over and over again that even sex loses its appeal and power to hold people together where there is a lack of compatibility and communication.
The reason for this is because our minds are adversely affected when compatibility and communication are lacking. Sex is more psychological than it is physical. Lack of compatibility leads to wrong mental attitudes which in turn lead to sexual problems between a couple. We don’t just marry a person’s body, we marry the whole human personality. This includes many intangible qualities such as intelligence, patience, sensitivity, kindness, understanding, ability to communicate, courage and faith. And I must also add you marry the whole human personality that may be lacking in these qualities.
To ignore these factors and marry someone incompatible to your own personality and way of life usually leads to marital shipwreck and tragic results. This will happen in spite of the powerful physical attraction or sex appeal which so many mistake for love. It is indeed a myth to think that such love (sex) is all sufficient to make people happy and successful in marriage.
This false premium put upon sex is responsible for leading immature people, including many teenagers, into wrong marriages and illicit sexual relationships.
Sexual intercourse to some is a false hope of solving nonsexual problems. Through this means many poor souls who feel unloved, neglected and lonely seek acceptance and love. While in the arms of their sexual partner they imagine they have found the warmth, the love and acceptance their hearts cry out for. This, of course, is another myth they will soon discover to their sorrow.
Still other insecure people use sex as a means of proving their femininity or masculinity. Instead of winning respect and acceptance on the ground of personality and accomplishment they resort to sex. The person who doesn’t have the personality and success of accomplishment to prove these things will also find that his substitute of sex is a myth.
The weakest and most vain human beings are usually capable of indulging in sex. Even animals with low intelligence and without conscience are created with a capacity for sex. I might also add that some human beings, morally lower than an animal, are usually capable of sexual indulgence. Sex, in itself, does not prove anything about a person.
Some embittered souls mistakenly use sex as a weapon of revenge to get even or punish others. It is not uncommon for a husband or wife to engage in an extra marital affair with another woman or man as a means of revenge. This usually happens, when one or the other feels they are neglected or not appreciated. Their deceptive reasoning is to get even or prove that they are desirable to someone else. In the same manner this also happens between sweethearts or couples going together.
Another way sex is used as a weapon of revenge is by children who want to punish their parents for the way they think they have been treated. Where children come to feel they are unjustly treated or restricted during their childhood they can very well give vent to their inward bitterness by striking back through illicit sex, alcohol, drugs and crime. I believe that today’s generation, in many cases, is an example of this. To use sex as a weapon of revenge in any manner is another myth that can only bring disastrous results.
Another myth of sex is caused by false or premature expectations. Due to the distorted understanding of sex many are greatly disappointed with their first sexual experiences. Looking for some mystical thrill comparable to bells ringing, sirens blowing and fourth of July fireworks going off, they are disappointed when it does not happen.
This is especially true in the early days of marriage before a couple becomes adjusted to each other. Inexperience of the groom, mental hang-ups and the girl being a virgin, all can contribute to this disappointment. Lack of sexual gratification in the early stages of marriage by one or both man and wife are not uncommon. This is more often true in the case of the woman than the man. Sex, like love, is a two way street. Man and woman not only need love but they must have a means of expressing their love. Sex being the most intimate relationship between a man and woman can and should be a common meeting ground or place of expressing and receiving this love. Because of this, true sexual harmony is never achieved until there is mutual enjoyment by the man and the woman in sexual union.
It is a mistake to think that all it takes to have mature sexual satisfaction is Prince Charming, Lady Fair and a bed. It takes love based upon honor and respect for each other, mutual cooperation and patience to get adjusted to each other. Like success in everything else, sexual bliss does not always come easily nor quickly. But even in this the Lord teaches his people some valuable spiritual lessons.
In their efforts to achieve sexual harmony, newly married couples should not be ashamed to seek help from the God that created sex in the beginning. Paul’s advice in Philippians 4:6-7 is good with sexual problems also. “Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
Although sex can be a frustrating disappointment in the beginning, it can through tender loving care and faith become the beautiful experience God intended it to be. For sheer thrill of physical ecstasy there is nothing that compares with sexual union between people in love. It is, I believe, a type of spiritual ecstasy and joy that often overwhelms God’s people as they approach him in the intimate spiritual relationship of praise and worship.