Needless to say all premarital sex or sex before marriage is wrong. As has been said elsewhere, all illicit sex is sin. Sin is transgression of God’s law and the transgressor will reap what he sows. Gal. 6:7-8. Even couples anticipating marriage should respect God’s law in this matter.
It is estimated by most authorities that at least one third of all teen-age girls getting married are pregnant. Family counselors inform us that in many such marriages the only object is legitimization for the child, with divorce agreed in advance.
One of the clever lies that Satan tells many couples anticipating marriage is that since they are going to be married anyway why deny themselves the pleasure of sex before marriage? This sounds like a logical argument to many couples who give in to their desire only to regret it later on. Very often this happens to young people who have been raised in a good moral religious environment.
Others come out of environments where morals are low. Therefore they have little or no scruples against illicit sexual activity, many times starting at a very early age. However some of these people are later reformed or converted and live wholesome productive lives in spite of their past.
Others coming out of more or less good homes with high moral standards engage in premarital sex because they want to be accepted. Still others feel a sense of insecurity and lack of love. Sex to them is simply a futile search for love and security they desire.
Courtship and heavy petting is the road that leads most couples into premarital sex. Normal human beings cannot continually be satisfied with just physical affection and caressing. God has made our bodies sensitive and responsive to love making with the opposite sex. This is the way passions are stirred and our minds and bodies are prepared for sex. Embracing, kissing and fondling along with persuasive endearments will ultimately lead to sex. They may start out with no intention of going too far but one step in the wrong direction leads to another until they have gone all the way.
I would say that many with good morals who are led into premarital sex start out this way. Once caught in the web of sexual immorality, some of these go on into lives of sin and shame. As the saying goes, “if you play with fire long enough you will get burned.” This is the reason Paul admonished young Timothy to flee youthful lusts. II Tim. 2:22.
Love making with the opposite sex, especially someone you find physically attractive is thrilling and hard to resist. But it is also nature’s prelude to sexual intercourse which is the climax of physical love. Therefore it must be with restraint outside of marriage. Heavy petting, if engaged in long enough, will lead to sex.
This is actually what the apostle is dealing with in I Cor. 7:36 where he says, “But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let him marry.” From a study of other translations it is evident that Paul is teaching Christian men and women joined together in the Lord by the Spirit that when the sexual urge toward each other becomes too great a temptation they should marry. This same truth is borne out in verse 9 where Phillip’s translation says, “I think it is far better for them to be married than to be tortured by unsatisfied desire.”
The old pharisaical adage that if you are a Christian you won’t be subject to evil thoughts or temptation by the opposite sex is certainly wrong according to what Paul is teaching here. Christians are human beings like everyone else and their mind and flesh are as subject to sex appeal as anyone. It is because of this they have to die daily and look to the Lord for grace to help in time of need. Heb. 4:15-16.
The sooner Christians become realistic about their depraved nature and recognize their only sufficiency is Christ they will begin to look to him rather than trust in the arm of flesh. Isaiah 45:22 says, “Look unto me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth: for I am God and beside me there is none else.” He is God and beside him there is none else. All virtue, strength, wisdom and knowledge come from him. He is the Lord of hosts; all angels, powers and principalities are under his dominion and control.
David understood this great truth when he said, “Behold I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.” Psalms 51:5. He also understood as God wants us to understand where his help came from. This is why he said, “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help, My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.” Psalms 121:2.
Premarital sex often leads to distrust and suspicion that can wreck a marriage. Situations can and often do arise which make it easy to remember and cause the husband or wife to become suspicious and jealous. Unless a couple knows the Lord and has a genuine spirit of forgiveness it is easy for the enemy to remind them of the past.
Then sometimes it is hard for the individual to forgive himself. A young couple who were Christians belonging to the same Church became intimate before marriage and the girl became pregnant. Although they were married and eventually had a fine family, this premarital pregnancy so preyed upon the mind of the young woman until she literally went insane. After extensive psychiatric treatment her husband was told there was nothing more they could do to help her and that she would have to be committed to a mental institution. However the Lord was gracious and merciful to bring her into contact with a Christian group that recognized she was demon possessed. After much prayer and quite a long battle she was gloriously delivered by the Lord. This was done to the utter amazement of the doctors who had treated her and finally said there was no hope.
She became demon possessed as a result of mental harassment from the enemy who took advantage of her guilt complex. This often happens when people sin or fail in some area of life. When a person’s will has been broken by giving in to immoral desire the door of their mind is opened permitting evil spirits to come in and possess other areas of their life. Once this has happened it is possible for these people to descend into unmentionable depths of immorality. And in some cases they are literally driven insane by the invading spirit whose ultimate aim is to destroy them spiritually, mentally and physically.
Not only is premarital sex subject to open the door to mental harassment by evil spirits but it can be the cause of mental hang-ups concerning sex in general. Persons with any degree of moral conscience cannot enter into illicit sex relations with real freedom. Guilt and fear are ever present to distract and hinder them from achieving real sexual pleasure.
Very often after marriage, the guilt and fear complex remains as an indelible reminder upon the mind of the person. Since it is necessary for complete mental concentration during sexual union this can keep the person from fully yielding themselves and enjoying intercourse. This can grow and develop into a mental hang-up that can keep the person from enjoying sex or ever having a climax.
Once a person begins to experience failure it is easy to develop a fear that soon has the person defeated before they start. Some even go so far as to detest sex in general. A negative attitude on the part of either partner also affects the other one and hinders them. It seems that women are more prone to develop mental hang-ups over sex than men are. However it can happen to men as well as women.
Another great reason for abstaining from premarital sex is because it causes the wedding night and the honeymoon to lose its luster of joyful anticipation. It’s perfectly normal for those anticipating marriage to look forward to the time when they can come together in sexual bliss.
The joyful anticipation of the marriage bed and sexual union with the one you love shouldn’t be marred or spoiled by premarital sex. The knowledge that your beloved comes to you virtuous and unspoiled by immorality is a tremendous psychological boost toward honor and respect for each other. This results in faith and trust in each other and is a great aid toward sexual harmony and success in marriage.
Man is so constituted that he desires that which hasn’t been spoiled by others. Virtue is something that demands honor and respect. Honor and respect are a must if a marriage is to succeed.
Even those with previous marriage experiences should honor this principle. Virtue is not just restricted to single persons. Although people have been married before they will have the honor and respect of others by abstaining from sexual promiscuity. Chastity and moral decency is a condition of the heart and applies to all whether married or single.
It is possible for a single person to technically be a virgin so far as sexual experimentation is concerned and yet not possess the virtue of heart that we are talking about. I might also add that it is possible for a person who has sexually lost their virtue to be saved by the grace of God and become a decent virtuous person in a spiritual sense.
The word of God puts a premium upon chastity and virtue which we cannot ignore. Paul says in II Cor. 11:2, “For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy; for I have espoused you to one husband that I many present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.” Although he is speaking here of the Church it is plain and simple that God desires purity.
Proverbs 31:10-11 says, “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.”
In spite of the fact that today’s generation is very adept in the use of contraceptives, premarital sex can lead to pregnancy, abortion or illegitimate children. Resorting to abortion can also lead to a guilt complex which in turn can cause mental problems in the future.
Needless to say illegitimate children, if not put up for adoption, are often unloved and unwanted. Many of them become wards of the state and a burden to society, If kept by their mothers or raised by relatives they may have to bear the reproach of their illegitimacy before a cruel world.
As stated elsewhere most venereal disease is transmitted through premarital or illicit sex. One of the great tragedies of venereal disease, especially syphilis, is that it is very contagious and can infect an unborn child and permanently injure the brain. This, of course, is the main reason the law requires a blood test before marriage.
These are simply a few of some of the tragic results of premarital sex. But they do not begin to tell the tragedy of many lives that take this road. Once caught in the web of sexual immorality it is very easy to follow the crowd and continue on into greater sin. Alcohol, drugs, crime, prostitution, prison, disease, misery, shame and suicide are some of the evil companions of sexual immorality.
Thank God for the abounding grace that can save and deliver those that turn to Christ in repentance and faith. Within the ranks of Christianity we find many who have been saved and delivered from deep sin. Such were some who belonged to the Church of Corinth. I Cor. 6:9-11.
Although God can and often does save some like the Corinthian believers from sin, it is a great mistake for enlightened people to presume upon the grace of God. Luke 12:47-48 says, “And that servant, which knew his lord’s will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.”
There is no limit to the depths of iniquity a human being can fall into when he rejects light and gives in to his depraved nature. Romans 1:21-32 tells of the terrible consequences of such sin.
Thank God for the grace that saves us from such sin and enables us to forget the past and press on toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Phil. 3:13-14.