My Experience With Depression
by Merilea Bigham
“For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through GOD to the pulling down of strong holds. Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of GOD, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” II Cor. 10:4-5.
I wanted to tell about an experience I had several years ago in an effort to help some who may be having problems with depression or similar trials. I have learned and am still learning about these two verses in II Corinthians.
I have always been a shy person with a tendency to remain quiet in a group, but this tendency went to an extreme several years ago. It did not happen overnight but over a period of time as I listened more and more to the devil I began to feel sorry for myself. All the other ladies were married and conversations usually centered around husbands and children. The devil told me that since I was single I didn’t have anything important to say so I should keep quiet. I became more and more introverted as I listened to thoughts such as “you’re not important to anyone,” “no one loves you,” “you can’t even love anyone.”
I was so convinced that no one loved me and that I couldn’t love anyone until I was so bound I couldn’t communicate at all. I was so negative and so depressed that I would spend my free time out walking around crying out to GOD for help, yet never seemed to touch GOD. Many nights were almost entirely spent in weeping. I began to miss mealtimes so that I wouldn’t be required to talk. I would leave home without telling anyone where I was going.
It was obvious to those around me that something was wrong. Yet when they tried to help me I wouldn’t listen. I would simply say that nothing was wrong. The Campbells (who I lived with at the time) tried to counsel me and also Brother Thomas tried. I just would not listen.
Finally, one night God had mercy on me and gave me a dream. I saw myself walking down a road looking up into the sky. In the sky I saw a little lamb being led by a dark man. The man led the lamb up to an arched doorway and forced him through the door. At the other side of the door there were two parallel lines of animals and as the lamb walked between the lines, the animals would beat him with sticks. Yet he walked meekly on to the end. The man was waiting for him there and led him back around to the front of the doorway to force him back through the lines. This happened several times and as I watched I became angry that the lamb would meekly follow the man. He did not have to; he could resist and fight back. The man could not make him go through the door. Then I saw myself turn around and go back home to talk with Brother Thomas.
The next morning I went to talk with Brother Thomas and told him of my dream. He told me that he felt GOD had given the dream to show me what I had to do to get out of the depression, that I, like the little lamb, was meekly submitting to the devil and allowing him to keep me in darkness. I did not have to listen and follow meekly; I could resist and fight back; in fact I was going to have to fight back.
Brother Thomas did not try to convince me that I was important or that people loved me. He didn’t have to. When I began to resist the devil and communicate with people, I knew where those thoughts had come from. Satan had been accusing GOD’S people of being unloving toward me and accused me of being unloveable. When I began to listen to the truth I saw GOD. If GOD is in us then love is there for GOD is love.
I had always interpreted the verse in II Cor. 5, “casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God,” as thoughts such as Lucifer had: “I will be like the most high GOD.” I did not realize nor see that any thought (whether we think it is meek or high) that is not in agreement with GOD is in reality exalting itself against the knowledge of GOD. GOD’S word is true and brings peace, rest, and light, not darkness and unrest.
I thank God for this dream, but it did not bring deliverance. There is no dream, or experience, that can bring deliverance. It only comes through obedience to GOD’S word. Regardless of how the word comes you must obey it and deliverance will come.
I had to fight. I had to resist those thoughts, not with earthly carnal weapons, but as in II Cor. 4: “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through GOD to the pulling down of strong holds.”
The scriptures say, “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” James 4:7. Remember, if God is in you, “Greater is he that is within you than he that is in the world.”
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