Peace. He gives me peace.
There is no greater feeling than peace, perhaps because it is almost a lack of feelings. Maybe it’s not a lack of feelings, because it is certainly not emptiness. It is fulfillment. A fulfillment so ensuring and comforting that heightened emotions are not present nor necessary. I do not long for them. My bodily, natural desires seem to have vanished after content has raided my heart and made itself at home. I have gained nothing material yet, suddenly, I have all I need.
I don’t know where to start for an update to give you. Recent weeks have been ruled by uncertainty and overthrown within the last few days by its antonym. I am not tired, though I rest. I rest in truth, which I prayed today God would keep me forever to dwell within. I do not seek feelings any longer, as they serve as no indication of truth, but rather often a distraction from it.
Not that feelings are inherently bad. I think my favorite feeling is appreciation. It is gentle and pure. It is focused on others, rather than myself. “Christ is all, and in all,” says Colossians 3, and I am seeing that proven true again and again. So many people care about me. So many people look out for me. So many people want to see me happy and successful. What have I done to deserve any of this?
The longer I dwell in truth, the more I understand the answer is, “nothing.” I am simply loved because of God’s grace. He has placed people strategically along my path. He has stationed those with wisdom at obstacles I come across which they have both failed at and conquered. I have ignored these figures in the past when my pride told me I ought to figure it out myself. But every guide has a purpose; who am I to withhold my needs from them?
Our Father has helped me overcome so much. He has carried me away from my pursuit of perfection. I have realized no matter how hard I strive, I cannot achieve this. Where I used to believe striving for perfection would lead to a reward of riches, I now realize perfection is the reward—for simply surrendering my life to Him. Recognizing and confessing my need, I am freed from shame by my confidence in Christ’s redemption and renewal of me. I have died. The old self is irrelevant to who I am now. The future self does not exist. I am at peace in the present moment as I lie in my Father’s arms, as I rest in gratitude for the love He is showing me through so many.
I am but a child, heavily dependent on His provision and protection. And you know what? I enjoy this state of dependency. I can boast of nothing. I am realizing maturity is not going about life and figuring things out on my own. It is seeking the wisdom of those who have traversed the terrain before me, and accepting the gift of their assistance.
I have been brought clarity for so much as of late. So much about relationships and what they’re intended to be. So much about where and to whom I belong. So much about how little I know. So much about how human I am.
There is not one person I can think of who hasn’t contributed to me, shaped me, raised me, blessed me; not one person I am not grateful for. I can, for the first time in my life, point at everyone in it and say, “thank you for the ways you love me.” I only hope to return half the love one day.
——————
Father, help me daily to continue dwelling in truth, resting in your arms, and surrendering to your promises. I pray you make it evident to all who read this that there is peace available to them, for your favor rests on them, as blessed to us by Your Word (Luke 2:14). And that nothing we have done is deserving of your favor, only what you have done has qualified us. Help us to accept this wholly, with understanding in our hearts, letting go of our expectations of self and others. Teach us what it means to die to ourselves, for self to be out of the scope of our own lives, that we may trust with confidence that the work to be done within us is finished, in order for you to begin and complete good works through us unto our neighbors.
To you be the glory, always. Amen.
Return to Encouraging Words
Return to Midnight Cry Messenger